


I want your smile to be the last thing I see

by RenHakuyuu



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Dead mention I guess, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:44:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7667242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenHakuyuu/pseuds/RenHakuyuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ritsu is sick and dying</p>
            </blockquote>





	I want your smile to be the last thing I see

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if it doesn't read well... I wanted to write it in 1st person, because it didn't feel right when I tried in 3rd person....

I never to thought something like this would hit so close to home. And I definitely didn't expect it to hit _him_. I know it isn't that uncommon, but I never would have dared to think that someone so close to me would end up suffering from it. If only I were more wary of it. If only I paid more attention to him. I'm the one closest to him, so if anyone, I should have been the one to have noticed it. But why didn't I? He seemed fine to. Aside from him being lethargic, but he's always been like that. But still, I should have seen that there was something off. No, I did notice, I just never considered it'd be something this serious. It never was. But this shouldn't have been a reason to let my guard down. I should have paid more attention. I should have asked him more seriously how he was doing. I should have taken better care of him. It's my fault.

It's my fault that it got to this stage. It's my fault that it's too late. The doctors say there's nothing more they can do, but still I refuse to give up. There has to be a way to save him. A way for me to make it right. If Ritsu dies-- No, he's not going to die. I won't let him. I won't allow him to leave me.

"Maa-kun, you're making that face again." Ritsu's voice sounds weak. I know he's trying to sound like he's fine, but I know... I know just saying a few words alone already takes so much effort. "The face that says you're blaming yourself." 

I try to keep my emotions from showing, but I can't. Not when I'm feeling so much. I'm worried. No, I'm afraid that I won't be able to save my childhood friend. And it would all be because of me. I hate that my face is showing it. I hate that Ritsu has to see me like this. I want to smile, tell him that he will get better. That I'll do anything to make him better. And I will. I want to. So then why do these tears keep falling down? Why does it hurt to see my best friend I'm a weak state like this? He's going to be fine. I'm going to save him. There's no reason to cry, because everything will get better. Everything should.

But it won't.

I can feel Ritsu's hand brush against my cheek, wiping the tears away. There's no point in doing that, because more keep coming.

"It's not your fault, Maa-kun."

It is. I want to say, but words don't come out. "The doctors even said... Even if they discovered it early on, there's no guarantee they could do anything."

"But..."

Ritsu shakes his head before I could say more. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Even if he says that... It's still my fault, I know it is. But somehow those words bring me some relief. Even if it's all because of me, at least Ritsu doesn't blame. At least to him I'm still a good person.

Ritsu smiles, and I can't help but feel my heart skip a beat. It must be because he has a beautiful smile. I have never seen anything more beautiful. And I don't want to. If possible, I'd like to see it for the rest of my life. But... 

I can't even look at Ritsu anymore, it hurts to do that. But I can't look away. I have to keep my eyes on him and watch him. While I still can. It'll be worth the pain.

"Even though you look cute when you cry... I'd prefer it if you'd smile."

I know. But how am I supposed to smile in this kind of situation? There's no way I could. 

"Smile for me." 

Even if I can't, if Ritsu's wants me to, I at least have to try. If it'll help to ease some of his pain, then I have to. I have to try to make his last moments enjoyable as much as possible. How impossible it may sound. I try to smile for Ritsu. 

I don't know what I look like, but however I do, it brings a laugh out of Ritsu. "Do you call that a smile?" He makes fun of me, but I don't mind. If it makes him laugh he can do it all he wants. I want to hear Ritsu laugh more, so I'll never forget the sound if it. Not that I could forget even if I wanted to. I could never forget anything about Ritsu. 

"I'll always remember you." I don't know why I said it out loud, but I wanted to. 

Ritsu smiles again. "I know you won't, because you love me too much to forget~"

Love... I know Ritsu is teasing me, but it's true. I've always loved him, more than anything in this world. I always thought we'd be together forever. That we'd never have to part... Because we love each other a lot, I thought I wouldn't have to worry about it.... 

Come to think of it, did I ever say it to Ritsu? Have I ever _properly_ conveyed my feelings to him? I have to do it, before it's too late. 

"Ricchan..." I start, but I can already feel the heat rise to my face. It's embarrassing to put it into words. But I can't let this stop me. "Ricchan," I try again. "I love you. You're very important to me, more than anyone else in the world. I love you." 

Ritsu looks surprised, which is making me feel only more embarrassed. But his expression eases quickly again, back into a smile. "Maa-kun, you're too cruel. Suddenly saying something like that." 

"I-It's not cruel, I'm being honest!" Why'd he have to say that... Don't tease me when I already feel embarrassed... 

"It's cruel... How am I supposed to leave when you say something that." 

"Then don't leave." I know it's stupid to say that, but I still don't want to let go. 

"I won't. I will be with you until the last moment, so please smile. I want your smile to be the last thing I see." 

All I can do is nod and try my best to keep more tears from coming down. I agree, and wish I could see Ritsu smile forever. Though it can't be _my forever_ , I at least want it to last _Ritsu's forever_. So I give him the best smile I can form. "I'll be with you as well, Ricchan. Until the very end."

**Author's Note:**

> I found a 31 days suffering challenge (http://newaratte.tumblr.com/post/137822934059/31-days-suffering-challenge) I probably won't do everything, and definitely won't put up a chapter everyday lol. But perhaps once in a while......


End file.
